The contemplation of life and of us.
Do I listen to my heart or my head?
A completely mutual act of trust
Together, this is where we have been led.
Love is universal, this is different.
Unexplained I can still feel your presence.
Even through an incredible distance,
In my heart I feel that you are present.
The wind blows and we are at complete ease.
I can never ask more from another.
More than I ask for is sent in the breeze.
How to contemplate a perfect lover?
No intention, not even a topic. Simply Doubt, fear, loneliness and question all setting in.
Where do I go from here? What actions do I take? Or is it not a question of action but of trying to just deal with this?
That is the hardest thing to determine. What now? I need to do one of two things in a hurtful situation and a doubtful understanding. – Either act or deal.
So first is the action. Being this hurt something must change. I need something different. So hurt at this point that I can’t go on like this for much longer or it will destroy me… So what now? HOW can I act when I’m scared for ANYTHING. Do I have the strength to act when I can hardly breathe. My chest is tight, breaths short and sometimes painful. So what do I do? Am I supposed to keep busy, leave, be with friends, have fun? ... WHAT? If I try to keep busy I know it doesn’t consume me and occupy my mind…
Where do I leave? Do I in fact travel? Its all I’ve been thinking of and its so right for me.. or is that running? But why should I be scared of running? I got hurt shouldn’t I do what I can to heal myself? Is it running away from my problems or is in fact a cure for a broken heart? I can’t be concerned if I’m doing something healthy for myself. I can see sights and not almost kill myself with alcohol again.
If I’m with friends and have fun its just in vain... When I start to laugh I think about her laugh…when I smile I miss the way she would look at me when she smiled at me… When I joke I miss her making fun of me. When I sleep I miss her next to me…. When I wake up I miss her being there. I miss her lips, I miss her soft skin… I miss her hand on the back of my head … I miss her nails.. Ugh I miss it all.
Its all hurt. Every second I’m just thinking of her. I had so many plans for us.. I don’t fully understand what caused her to leave. I know it was distance and she shouldn’t have been doubting someone who would do anything and everything… all she had to do was ask me. She just had to say the word and I’d be there in a HURRY. It doesn’t matter anymore… There is just something about me that doesn’t appeal. I have so much to offer to someone but maybe what I have to offer just isn’t good enough or worth it. What does it take in this life to be good enough for someone?
Everything happens for a reason???
They say fate and karma exist in this life. Though there is a fine line between the two, there is a distinct difference. Yet, the two still intermingle into maybe what is the definitive. Who is to say which is stronger, which means more or which are certain – if either are. Separate or all the same, how can we ever tell? The certainty, I believe, is that everything truly does happen for a reason. No matter how hard it is and how much we don’t believe it for ourselves at the moment, things happen for a reason. I personally do not think things can get better for me – I don’t see it.. But faith carries me through even though I don’t want to myself.
The patience of fate:
This is that we never know what is in store for us. Every action we take or every action taken against us is bigger than we are. “The five people you meet in heaven” clearly states the significance and reality(so to speak) of fate. A humble, innocent and simple act of running out into a street to retrieve a ball can make someone’s life change forever. You are put in the place to affect someone and be part of something bigger. The more significant you are in someone’s life, the larger and greater of an impact you will have on that person. When you are in a persons life and are aware that it is fate, this is the strongest connection you can have with someone.. It is also the most difficult to understand.
What is hardest to understand are those times that the person you are with introduces you to a resource on fate. Example. The alchemist… A book that no one Alicia knew enjoyed. She told me I would love it and I truly did. Especially the quote “when you want something the whole universe conspires for you to achieve it”. All I ever wanted in life was Alicia to BE my life. My universe was conspiring to be her everything and for her to be mine and treat her like an angel for life. It is hard to understand… She introduced me to this book, our timing was perfect and everything fell into fates hands. I will never be able to understand this. I always thought it as fate and when she introduced me to this book I couldn’t put it down. The book screamed our love. The people were worlds apart but when she blew him a kiss in the wind, he felt her love. True love has no boundaries and no concept of space. Of course we will feel the space, but it shouldn’t make a difference. Space is hard but fate is stronger.
So when you are certain fate has brought you together forever, what left is there when your universe collapses and you can no longer be with the love of your life? Is this the thing that happens for a reason? Was I supposed to be crushed and was that my fate? Or is that my Karma?
