Forgetting

“Forgetting” Shirts

What goes around comes around.

I left my shirt at your place so you’d have something when you miss me some part of me with you at all times. If you are ever cold its like Im keeping you warm.. This has backfired because you “forgot” your tank top at my house.

Missing you like crazy I go to bed with you on my mind. I miss you so much and my sheets don’t have your scent anymore …your shirt is pressed close against my chest as I sit at the edge of my bed…Your scent still lingers with me and it makes me miss you so much more.… I’m holding your shirt like its been mine since early in my life. Its close in my chest… My heart bleeds a little more…

I miss you so much now. The scent of you make memories and thoughts of you so bright. Our inside jokes - Stupid door colours, slutty bosses.. The things we say - “me and you babe”, “me to with you” and the stupid things we do - blowing raspberries on your stomach, dancing while making dinner, throwing water at you while I shower…

Every thought imaginable runs through my head. Funny, silly, cute, caring, sexy, intimate and just neutral times of me sitting next to you… I love every second. I smell you and need you so close right now. Pressing your shirt even closer to my chest I think up schemes to visit you, think of what I’ll write next in my book of love to you and so on.

Its funny how your shirt can make me feel so connected to you again. I want to sleep so bad.. Im so tired right now but to be connected with you for this little bit longer, I think I’ll stay awake… I think I like it here right now. This is as close as I can get to you for now… Its only a matter of time before the scent wears off and my feelings grow stronger… I need you now while I can have you… Just like I’ll cherish every second I have WITH you I’ll cherish every second I have to be connected SOMEHOW.

Unexplainable

The things I cannot explain, the things I cannot comprehend and the things that put my mind to rest. These are all a reflection of the way I feel for you. At times where I am stressed, confused, worried and sad you turn my life around by a touch, a kiss, a glance and a whisper of your feelings for me.

You put my mind at ease – you put my mind to work

You make me feel so secure – you make me scared

You make me look to the future – you make me live for the moment

You make me whole but I am only half without you.

The things I cannot understand; wont understand; try to understand; don’t understand and the things that are impossible to understand are all the things that make me feel the way I do for you.

Why is it that feelings can contradict each other? How do I feel safe but scared, shy but myself and nervous but completely at ease with life when I’m by your side.

I can not explain a single feeling towards you. Why should I? Why try to explain pleasure, bliss and heaven…

You make me feel so calm and relaxed but when I am with you my mind is working a mile a minute and will never slow down. I’m so calm with you but I’m so busy.

You make me feel like I’m a perfect person and that nothing will go wrong but I am scared of feeling so strong towards someone. Things with you are so perfect and you are the future I crave and work towards.

As I bullet from thought to thought, feeling to feeling and to each worry I have you are the only that always comes out on top.

Explanations of me to you are hard to come by and a feat to accomplish in my eyes. I don’t know if I will ever be able to explain or ever be satisfied in this sense. My feelings for you are the most intense and at times overwhelming. You joke and say you are perfect but for this one second in life I ask you let my words sink in deep.

You are a woman… Caring, Kind, Gentle, Passionate, Inspirational and Charming. You change my life without an effort. Nothing you do goes unnoticed. I care for every second in life we make eye contact or when you look at me when I’m not paying attention. I care for every second I hear your voice and every second you listen to me with open ears. I care for every touch. Every time we connect in each of these ways I let it sink. This is the way I feel for you and in my rapid thoughts I can give this last shot at an explanation. Everything is noticed by me, everything is taken in and everything is loved.

Skipping Stones

This isn’t a poem, its not a song … it has no structure, no intended rhyme – just an intention of my feelings and expressions.

Lonely and missing you, I leave my house with only a guess of where my feet are taking me. I had no intentions when I left, just the thought of you clouding my mind. Ending up at the waters edge I find clarity. This place is tranquility. It is peaceful, calm and soothing. I love it here.

I sit there and let my mind wander. My mind doesn’t wander far but it wanders vividly and fast. Its only you I think of but there is so much about you that I explore. I think of how I will express this to you. As I begin to skip rocks on the lake like I did as a child, poetry comes to mind. I think of how I will write to you. My feelings are so deep and at the moment my mind is articulate. Looking for the perfect rock to skip I compare this to finding my love.

I find many rocks that will skip beautifully so I set them apart from the others in a pile. As I start to throw the rocks to the water I think more about you, about love, about life and about my future. As I’m throwing the rocks I realize that it never matters if you find the perfect one because you are just throwing it away. You will want that rock back but it is lost forever once it leaves your grasp.

When do you know what to risk in life? If I were to find the perfect rock should I keep it or throw it? It only comes along once. So I think about you. Right now you are the most perfect thing I have touched, held, kissed and even seen. I have no desire to let go. I will never let go of you.

So I think more deeply. Clarity hits me finally. You throw these rocks and see what happens. If you find the perfect rock you have to trust it will work. Maybe you even have to take the plunge together. I have hesitated with you but now I realize, as I sat by the water and thought, I need you in my life and want to jump in head first. I don’t want to stay on the shore alone, I want to be with you wherever you go.

As I write you this expression of me, my feelings and my thoughts I once again come to a more subtle understanding. I sit by the water, the place I want to live... This place where I want my future, my wife, my kids and my life. I came to the water to wonder about you. I came to this place in which I have been certain I want my future to be held and I have come here with you in mind. I have come here solely because of you. It is clear to me. I sat where my future lies and thought of who will be there to share it with. My final bit of clarity is that I came to the place of my future and realized it is with you.

It is clear to me.